i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
