Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
