I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
