just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
operation have a gay friend backfired
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
