just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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