She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
