I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
