i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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