Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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