just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
