two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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