dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
