I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
