Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The air was thick with penises
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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