he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
