i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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