Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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