I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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