i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
