Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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