respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
