Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
