Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
