Pappa wants mamma naked
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
