I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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