We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
