I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
