i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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