just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
