stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
