The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
