you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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