Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
