Can i not drive my cunt home
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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