Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
