Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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