i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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