I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
