I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
