i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
