Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
