PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
