So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
