God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
