Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
