I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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