You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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