Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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