just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
