Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
